You're mean!

Ever had someone tell you what their first impression of you was? Was it not so great? Yeah today I got a dose of that reality check.

So yesterday started off the week really crazy. The typical Monday morning blues on top of several piles of work that needed to be completed, payroll reports, W-2's, 1099's etc. Another pile of work that is on hold until I receive additional information. Two lists: one of who I need to call to pick up their completed work and another that I need to call to remind them to bring their information in so I can finish the necessary reports. All this work needs to be done by January 31st. So I was a little, ok a lot, stressed out yesterday thinking about how I was going to get this all done in time. I had a major headache and didn't want to be disturbed. But unfortunately that can't happen. I still have to take phones calls and talk to clients. Well one client stopped by yesterday in the midst of my madness. She had with her one of her employees whom I had never met. Apparently that employee's first impression of me is that I didn't seem like a nice person. Ouch! I was told this today when the client returned to pick up more work. She said I could tell you were stressed by the look on your face and I told my employee that “no Carla's a sweetheart”. Haha I have her fooled is probably what some of you are thinking. But I like to think that I'm a nice person. My first instinct was to defend myself. I started explaining why I was in a bad mood, maybe the headache was the cause of the mean look on my face but then I realized she was totally right. I was being short with her and the tone in my voice was of annoyance. Just because I'm having a stressful day doesn't mean I should take it out on others. Certainly not clients at that. She then was telling me about how there are times when she comes in and she can tell that I looked bothered. More ouch! So these times when I think I'm hiding my frustrations of being interrupted, I'm really not.

So again back to my “new years resolution” of trying to be more aware of my actions and words. How can I learn from this? What can I change? I don't want to be perceived as a mean person. I want people to know me as a kind person who genuinely cares. Someone who loves people, loves life and loves God. Which I do but apparently it doesn't always show. How can I, in the midst of my frustrations reflect Christ? How do I now allow my real feeling to show without them being seen as fake because they weren't shared outwardly the first time around?