Okay time to share some thoughts again.

I'm the type of person who likes to be on time and stick with plans that were made. Especially if the plans involved me setting aside time to do something with you or for you. I find it irritating when people flake or don't do what they say they were going to do. Now that doesn't mean the other person is in the wrong because there could be good reason for changing the plans. Or it could be that I valued the “appointment” more so than the other person. But regardless I get frustrated.

On this topic I'm speaking more from the experiences I have with helping people or doing them favors. I've always been a people pleaser. In the past, people that flake on me or don't show up would still turn around and get some scheduled time with me to help them right away. Even if that meant putting them before my free time, my sleep or even my family. This comes from if I say I will be there on Tuesday night then I will be there on Tuesday night. Even if something else comes up, I'm committed to what I said. But a few years ago, after my dad had passed away I realized times that I had missed spending with him, my mom and sisters his last few weeks because of me wanting to please others. Now yes I did get to spend time with him and that's not the point of the story. It's just it made me realize I needed to be able to tell people no, sorry you missed your chance or I will get back to you when I have free time. This hasn't been the easiest thing for me to do. Although there have been a few big steps. Like after 13 years quitting a bookkeeping job that I had once or twice a week in the evenings. Or should I say early morning hours. I've turned down requests for other side bookkeeping jobs that would take up more of my evenings. But then there are the times when something is put before me to “help” someone out and of course I can't bring my self to say no. So I take on the job BUT I do it with a new mindset. So when they say they are going to show up on a certain a night and end up canceling I get frustrated. But instead of repeating the past and scrambling to fit it all in, I say sorry I will have to let you know the next free time I have available. This is still hard for me to do because in all reality my next free night might be the following week and I don't want anyone upset with me.

But as I look back at my reasoning for quitting the job or saying no to others, I realize that I'm still not spending this free time in the best way possible. In my free time I tend to spend it sitting in front of the computer or TV. Why not spend it in prayer or reading the Bible? My sleep time that I wanted is still pretty much the same old pattern. Instead of spending the time working I now spend it watching TV. My time to spend with family isn't any better either. I send them text messages, facebook them or maybe chat while playing words with friends. We have the occasional visit but not as often as I would like.

My point to this rambling is that I made decision to be more aware of my thoughts and actions this year. I need to now take some action in certain areas because aren't I in a way doing the same thing that others do to me? I need to spend more time with family. Not just the “hi how are you?”, “what have you been up to?” kind of time. But the kind of time that lets them know that I love them and how much they mean to me. That I value our time together and it shouldn't be cut short for “work”. I need to spend more time with God, I wonder if he gets frustrated with me because I don't show up, cancel or even make appointments with Him?